I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
