Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize