PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
