The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
