dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
