Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
