Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
