Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Enjoy the penises
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
