i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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