It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
