it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
