mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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