my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
