How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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