I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
