i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You need a sexual gate keeper
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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