Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
