It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
