I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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