Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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