Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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