is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
