ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.