fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?