when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head