p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
