so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My ATM looks so different sober.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
