Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
