She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
