You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
