Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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