You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
