Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
