They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
