I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
