I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
