We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
