well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
