I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
