then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize