He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
