i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
