I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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