is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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