Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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