In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
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Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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