May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
