Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
