I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I FOUND THE LEGS
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
