Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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