My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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