Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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