lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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