Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
