Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
