i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
