i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
