Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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