I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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