I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
