i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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