Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
