winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I FOUND THE LEGS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
