Screwed.edu
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
