i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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