ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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