She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
