all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
