I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
