i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Shame is for Republicans.
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