Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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