sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
