I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
