good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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