Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
