You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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