If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
