Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
