the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
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it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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