Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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