Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
