I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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