maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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