i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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