just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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