That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
