well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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