I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize