I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
